Operating systems Linux and Windows - Performance and usability

Linux: "Hey Windows, don't you think you've caused a bit of chaos? Life's a constant struggle with you, and the irony is, people actually pay for the privilege! At least you've got Tom, Dick, and Harry to help you out. What's your take?"

Windows: "Oh, I hear you, but what can I say, buddy? I'm a way of life now. I've got a whopping 91.08% market share, and you're barely there at 0.85%. It's a miracle you even exist, honestly."

Linux: "Ever wonder why you're 'Windows' and not, say, 'Bill'? My creator was proud enough to name me after himself, but your lord must have been too scared. I'm pretty sure he just named you after the first thing people want to do after using you... jump out a window. Am I right?"

Windows: "Haha, maybe. I'm all about facts, though. My name is unique, and at least no one else is using it. I've got the copyright on it! The entire industry relies on me; it's a perfect cycle. The rich are too lazy to learn you, so they buy me, and the poor have to follow suit."

Linux: "Be honest, how do you really feel about yourself?"

Windows: "Honestly? I have no idea what's going on inside me. Everything's so layered and complex. I have to ask ten different things to do one simple task."

Linux: "Then why don't you show the users what's happening?"

Windows: "How can I tell them when I don't even know myself?"

Linux: "Don't you feel bad for them?"

Windows: "Not at all! They're meant to live like this. You're free, and you perform way better than me, but they still don't care. You're a hard worker, but you've got to learn some marketing. It's all about working smart, not just hard. I know you'll hate me for saying this, but I'm an opportunist, and you're a workhorse."

Linux: "True, but one day, humans will be smart enough to use me."

Windows: "Even God doesn't know when that day will come!"

Linux: "Don't you worry, it'll happen soon."

Windows: "It's nice to dream, but maybe stick to dreaming at night. Now I get how I can match your performance—I just let you do all the hard work!"

Linux: "Don't even get me started on performance; you're terrible!"

Windows: "Okay, let's make a deal. I'll be the client, and you'll be the server. It's just like a manager and a developer; I get all the credit for the work you do. It's a win-win for me! Can I tell you something else?"

Linux: "Go for it."

Windows: "You should start using me internally so you can get some support in the future."

Linux: "Your creator isn't even with you anymore. He was so ashamed of the misery he caused that he went to the slums of Zimbabwe to help people who didn't even know you existed. At least he realized his mistake."

Windows: "Remember the quote: 'Some memories are too sweet to be forgotten, and some mistakes are too big to be forgiven'? I'm one of the biggest mistakes in human history, and I can never be forgiven."

Linux: "Humans are getting smarter. Things will change soon. Even Ubuntu is starting to look just like you. Things are looking up!"

Windows: "I told you to stop daydreaming. Bye! See you around."